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Post by ash on Sept 1, 2012 13:49:05 GMT -5
"it's hard to trust someone when your trust has been completely diminished by another, and i know you weren't the one who did it, but still. i have issues, and feel like once we go public, if we ever do, you'll leave me thanks to the press and the fans. if i were you i wouldn't want to deal with it, and i guess i understand if you don't. i want to be with you bea, and i don't want you to leave, and maybe if we go official less girls will come on me and i'll be less tempted. and i know that's not what this is about, but i'm an idiot and if i'm tempted while i'm drunk i will go after it. i think you know that by now," he chuckles a bit shakily before continuing, "but i'm willing to change if you do stay with me. i just don't want you to go, i'm clingy you need to know that bea. once i have something i don't want to let it go." he had spoken slowly, so slowly he knew she would have heard every single individual syllable. that was his plan, he wanted to put everything out there and stop holding it inside of him anymore. he had finally burst, and it was more or less up to bea to clean up the somewhat of a mess he had made. maybe by telling her all of this everything would be fixed, but so far everything he had said had pushed them apart more than anything. she was good with words, he wasn't. she was good at everything, he wasn't. he just wasn't good enough for her. ash wondered why she even stayed with him at this point. why did she even try? he'd probably end up fucking her over sometime soon.
he felt a rush of cool air as she pulled out of his arms and off of his chest and she sat cross legged by him. that wasn't a good sign. she had done that even before he had spoken, but he was beginning to get cold as his whole stomach and part of his thighs were out in the air. he shivered a bit but did nothing to fix it. he just looked at her form in the dim light, her hair was framed by a bit of light coming from the other room. damn, he was wasting electricity. he didn't care at this point though, he just wanted to get this whole issue resolved.
ooc: bloody terrible.
[/i][/blockquote][/blockquote][/blockquote][/justify]
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Post by charlotte on Sept 1, 2012 15:28:03 GMT -5
once he had something he didn’t let go. shit. shit. shit. bea wanted him, but she also wanted his freedom. she had always vowed to be the girl that never got tied down. she was supposed to be a free spirit, no responsibility to anyone or anything. and here he was admitting that he was clingy. she frowned slightly, thinking, before realising how that would appear to ash. she smoothed her face out, void of emotion as she contemplated what he was saying to her. maybe she should change. her old tactics of only ever caring about herself and no one else was so selfish, that it didn’t seem justifiable to turn down ash just because she was determined to keep her independence. every sunday lunch, her parents were reminding her about the fact that she had never ever brought a boy home to meet them. they had never verbalised it, but she could tell they were disappointed. they wanted someone to show embarrassing baby photos to, and feed huge meals and tell their extended about. maybe she could change just to bring them some reassurance that she wasn’t going to die sad and alone, which, at this point, was probably what they expected from her lack of close friends or boyfriends. because bea wasn’t a loner, as such. she just appreciated the time she had to herself, and didn’t want to settle down with one group of people when there were so many others out there.
“i don’t want to go public ash, i just really don’t, at least not yet.” she didn’t want her face in tabloids, people trying to find flaws in her. and the flaws weren’t exactly difficult to find. surely someone would be interested in badmouthing her, calling her a bitch, because it wasn’t really like she had that many singing her praises. and then the stories of her broken home would suffice - tales of a brother who had killed his classmates before taking his own life. that would go down really well. and she hadn’t even told ash about her family yet, he had to hear it from her and not some article that was likely to be full of lies. “just… not right now, we can’t be public, okay? i mean, you have to meet my parents and stuff first. they don’t want to find out about you by just reading some article in a trashy magazine, right?” her tone was light. better to just not get too deep, then he wouldn’t ask questions. “and, i don’t know ash. i like my freedom. i mean, it’s not like i want to be sleeping around with other guys, but i don’t want you to have to know where i am every single second of ever single day. just trust me.” she didn’t know how he would take that, but bea felt it was better to get everything out in the open now, or she’d just wind up angry and resentful.
noticing that she had left ash without covers for a while, and it was pretty cold, she took the edge of the duvet in her hand, lying back onto her stomach and bringing it over both hers and ash’s head. “i told you it would be fun to have a fort.” she scooted towards him, taking his hand in hers and round her body, snuggling back into the crook of his arms. “we’re going to be just fine ash. i promise.” and maybe that was something she couldn’t promise, but right now, buried under the covers with ash, she hoped that he wouldn’t question that.
tagged;; callie words;; 602 notes;; dun dun duuuuun.
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