< THE LIGHT IN YOUR EYES > [alex]

[chewiebub5]

It had been awhile since that day, and Alex acted with his friends that he didn't care. He thought that by bottling up emotions it would make someone stay, it seemed that was the problem with Jimmy. Keeping things inside of him, and looking as if he didn't care was his salvation, according to him. It was going to save him some tears and keep people around, the other way didn't do him any damn good. Hell, maybe doing bad things would get him farther, but he wasn't that fucked up. Well not yet of course. Correction: not too bad of things. So he had done some stupid things, he didn't care and no one else did really, so why not? He should have done even more to try to kill himself.

So he had the other day, tried to get himself drunk and kill his own liver, but of course it was stopped due to the fact that he grinded with some girls. They weren't attractive to him, but a good shag was a good shag. So it had been a habit, and his parents didn't care or even know much about it. They just believed that he was going out with the boys and having a few beers. Of course it was more than that, more intense than that. In the last few days, when he woke up he didn't realize who he was for a few minutes, yet he still couldn't get that face out of his mind. This was for the best, it was to teach him a lesson, he needed to protect himself.

This morning was filled with the flashes of the lights shining last night in the club, even if he wasn't supposed to go in there. His guy friends had some connections to get him in, go figure. He was part of the crowd, and this pleased everyone that he knew. Well other than his ex-friends who told him that it was stupid and tried to coddle him. He didn't need that in the least, that he didn't give a shit about. Taking care of himself was his own job, and it wasn't another's; he couldn't trust them. He trusted Jimmy and see how that worked out? He was alone and vulnerable.

Maybe some coffee would wake him up from the many images that were flittering in his mind. Probably, and it would also cause him to think of Jimmy. The boy that was ashamed of him and all he was. Another thing that he had already decided was that he was going to be called, A. Because he was a new person, why not a new name? He ordered himself a nice cup of coffee, black, unlike how he would have had in the past. He hopped up onto the barstool and wore his leather jacket as if it were normal. He was also wearing some nice skinny jeans, this was a slick look. New look, new name, and a new personality, the improved Alex.

[JIMMY DANGER REGALL]

Taking a few moments to intimidate some of the other kids in the cafe with his ciggarette smoking, he adjusted the blue scarf around his neck, unzipping his jacket and walked up to the counter, putting the ciggarette out in the ashtray siting near the register. He ordered a latte, and the waitress smiled, winking at him. He faked a pink lipped smile back at her until she disappeared, his smile vanishing back into the cold expression he'd held before. He found an empty bar stool in the crowded little cafe, sitting between some girl on a lap top and some kind of wannabe punk kid with brown hair. He almost double taked, noticing how strangely cute the other boy was, but passing it off instead and ignoring the other boy.

The waitress came around with his coffee and grinned at him, "Here you go, James." she giggled flirtiliciously. He wanted to wince at the name, as he didn't like that it reminded him of his father, but he nodded in acknowledgement. Taking a sip of his coffee, he took time to read from a copy of "Metamorphisis" by Franz Kafka that someone had left on the bar. Downing a few more drinks of his latted, he noticed some writing on the side of the cup, realizing it was the waitress's phone number. Rolling his eyes, he glanced over at the boy next to him just as the girl with the lap top was packing up and leaving.

His heart litterally stopped in his chest, and he looked as if he'd seen a ghost, but he politely looked away and stared down at his coffee instead. Jimmy reached up to fiddle with his earrings, praying to whatever divine being cared that he hadn't just seen Alex. It couldn't have been the boy. Alex wore preppy clothes, and as far as he knew, didn't drink coffee. Calmly continuing on with his cool under fire attitude, he ran a hand through his short black hair, unaware of just how different he looked. The circles around his eyes had grown darker from some of the nights that he hadn't been able to fall asleep, his hazel eyes had gone greenish with depression, he'd gotten even skinnier...if that was even possible for him, and his skin was almost translucently pale now.

Stopping his irrational thoughts had caused the logical side of his brain to kick into gear. Of course, there was some explanation. Take reincarnationg for example. That could always happen. Or maybe a doppleganger? He didn't know. Maybe it was more illogical than some of his less rational thoughts. Clearing his throat and not looking up, he pretended to read the book still, "Do you belive in reincarnation?" he said, just loud enough to be heard, his voice raspy from a lack of using it in the days that'd gone by.

[chewiebub5]

Alex's eyes widened as he heard the call of another boy, named James or something. It was Jimmy. No it was James, it wasn't the same person. The other boy acted as if he knew him as well; this scared him. His heart told him to open up and act as if he knew the other boy, and that it was the same person. His mind knew better than his heart. His logic contained ideas of just shagging and getting the hunger over with. Also it seemed to call on him to do better this time and do it smarter.

Still even if he told himself to go for it; he still felt that maybe he would screw up and get even more fucking emotional over the whole thing. The thought of it being another person that looked the same flittered a bit as he toyed with the idea; it seemed that James thought the same. A just decided hell with it in the end, he was going to follow his mind. He was going to get James, even if he didn't have Jimmy. James seemed a lot different in a few
ways anyhow, he was a bit skinnier and his eyes were green. Not the alluring hazel that Jimmy had. They were different people, and that was exactly what went down. It just was unfortunate that they just reminded him of each other.

A tried to regain the same posture as he quietly walked over to the table and pulled himself a chair. "Yeah I do. You?" He looked the other in the eyes and gave a brief gander into them. They weren't Jimmy's. Why did that fucking matter to him? He was ready for another chance and he didn't need the old boy to remind him of the past. His friends loved him and girls fawned over him, what more could someone want?

A's mouth twitched into a frown as he answered the question, Jimmy. "I'm A. You?" He once again found himself looking into the other boy's eyes, and scratched his neck a bit. He mumbled, "You remind me of someone that I used to know." At the thought of Jimmy, A's mouth found itself giving a smile.

[JIMMY DANGER REGALL]

His mind raced and if it wasn't for his bad posture, his habit of slouching over the table, he was sure he would've fallen off of his stool, either unconcious or dead via despair. If you could even die of that. Jimmy's mind reeled back to what images his mind still had of Alex, but on the outside he looked completely composed and unaffected by the strange occurance. He talked himself into believing the other boy, who called himself "A" strangely, was a completely a different person. There was no way that Alex could manage that appearance, the air the other boy carried with him, or the personality difference.

He shrugged innocently, never once looking up, fearful he'd get caught up staring at the blue eyes that he felt were trained on him. "I was doubtful at first, but I may have reason to change such beliefs." he answered, restraining his thoughts for the moment before finally closing the book and locking eyes with the other boy. His expression was still blunt, and even for having green eyes, his gaze carried an icy air about it. Jimmy refused not to notice the other boy's staring, his pale cheeks turning lightly pink against his will. Damnit, why was he blushing? What did he care? He noticed the twitch of a frown as well, and briefly narrowed his eyes, curiosity overpowing his confusion, making him wonder what the frown was all about.

He shook his head dismissively and took a sip of his latte, glancing away. "James is just another way of saying Jimmy." he replied vaguley, not quite giving out his name to this stranger. He kept a closed book about himself, leaving the mystery like he always did. Jimmy could be so theatrical at times, sometimes even unaware he was doing such. Feeling like he was being stared at, he graced the kid with his gaze once again, arching an eyebrow. Who could he be reminding the kid of? As far as he knew, he had a pretty distinct look, even with his hair being cut. "Really? How flattering. I didn't think you looked like you were from around this part of London. Looking for someone by any chance?"

[chewiebub5]

A noticed something about this James, just like Jimmy had. Damn it, why did he have to be the same? He felt a bit of pain from his heart screaming at him to kiss the other and his mind struggling to keep control. It was close, too close for his own comfort. His mind fought off the hunger with questions and it had to take note of the fact that it seemed to be remarkably the same personality and same hair. He almost rolled his own eyes, it was because he was being stupid. J

immy would never come back for him, and that was because of his own stupidity. It just was that simple about the complete deal and being alone. Why did Jimmy have to fuck up this too? Why did he have to be such a big part of his life? At the mysterious name relationship his eyes glimmered with curiosity. "A stands for Alex." He looked the other boy in the eyes and watched with curiosity about what the reaction would be. Would it be anger? Confusion? Or just a normal reaction of a person, just acceptance that simply.

"Someone that I wish was around still, I knew them not too long ago. We fell out of touch." He looked at his feet, but focused his attention on his own palms. They were sweating and he almost thought of just dragging the other boy into the bathroom. That triggered a memory of Jimmy, of when he was kissing the other boy there. That was the first day they knew each other. He grew attached, and he desperately begged himself not to do that again. It was going to make the other person leave, and cause him pain.

[JIMMY DANGER REGALL]

Even if this was somehow Alex, the other boy wouldn't have recognized him. Sure, his facial features had stayed the same, but with all the changes his body had gone through in the days past, he'd become strange looking even to himself. He was anorexic skinny, refusing to eat anything. Coffee and ciggarettes had been his diet. His hair was short, not long like it had been. It had taken him awhile to get used to that. His wrists were scarred now, from the incident in the bathroom, when he'd slit his wrists. Said scars were noticibly visible against his unhealthily milk pale skin. He even happened to glance at them, momentarily frowning and covering the scars with the sleeves of his jacket.

Jimmy arched a dark eyebrow, wondering if he was living in reality or going through a relapse. He twirled his short hair with his fingers, minimumly intrigued by this other boy. "Oh..." Was his reaction to A standing for Alex. There was no doubt in his mind at the moment, and he knew who was sitting across from him. For a split second, a look of pain and shock was visible in his eyes, and he looked down at the table, ready to drop dead with depression right then and there. And then there was anger. Why had he acted like such a moron? Why did he have to act so selfless? He should have just stuck with being a selfish, protective guy who didn't enjoy sharing. He should have stayed with Alex. Then he wouldn't have been sitting across the table in so much physical and emotional pain.

Speaking of physical pain, Jimmy winced as he accidentally forgot about his bandaged and broken left wrist. He nodded in acknowledgement, his expression contorting into one of pain as he accidentally picked up his latte and immediately dropped it, spilling it all over the place. Jumping up, he grabbed some napkins and started to clean up the mess, muttering an appology and not even noticing his shirt had scooted up a tiny bit, exposing the pinkish-mauve burn scar on his hip. He glanced at the other boy, still unaware of his trademark scar showing. "Tragic. I hope you find who you're looking for. I know what it's like to lose someone special. Sad that some people are stupid enough to leave the ones that mean the most." he consoled.

He played it off well, as if he wasn't aware of who "A" really was. There was no way the other boy could put two and two together anyways. The last time they'd seen eachother, his eyes hadn't been darkened from hazel to green. His hair had been longer, and it didn't stick out in awkward, messy tufts on his head. Last time he'd had a rosy tone to his pale skin, but now it was just unhealthy, milk color. He was anorexic skinny, a big difference from the merely malnutritioned look he'd had last time. His arms and wrists were bony and sick. Even Jimmy didn't recognize himself.

[chewiebub5]

A's eyes lit up when he noticed something, even if he secretly didn't want to be glad about the run in. James, or Jimmy's, scar was showing. It was his lost love, but the other boy didn't act like he knew him. "Jimmy?" The cool neutral that he had sustained melted. The look in his eyes was defeat, it was of fear. What would become of this? Why did he care? He knew he was setting himself to be pushed away. He plead with his heart to give up, to not act this way. To stop being so stupid and causing him trouble. It wasn't his mind that was ranking right now, it was the heart taking the wheel.

"I hoped that I would see you." A closed up the look of vulnerablity and once again tried to supress his own emotions. He then felt a bit of shame when they were seperated that he banged some girls, but Jimmy probably did the same thing. "I've changed. I get it if you don't want me back." A tried to act as if it was not a big deal, that it was a small detail. It was major; it could never be really considered minor.

"You don't love me, so this was a waste. Acting as if you would even want to be in a relationship. Ha, I'm really too funny." A let out a bit of a bitter laugh. It was one of the things that he had picked up trying to be tough, trying to stay closed to everyone. At parties it had made him really a hit, or from his experiences. A taste of something sour was in his own mouth, it was from lack of trust. Lack of faith to be more accurate. He didn't like giving up, but the other boy didn't care.

"Anyways, how have you been doing?" A told himself that small talk was the answer to everything. He knew that Jimmy didn't care, but he did. He didn't want to granted, and some scars were there. It was learning things about the world; understanding that not every person is going to hurt you, but that some will. A gave a look of pure detachment that might mislead some, while he had a feeling someone would know. He wasn't ever great at hiding his own emotions.

[JIMMY DANGER REGALL]

Biting his lip, he looked at Alex when his name was mentioned. His green eyes faded to a dull hazel as he pretty much surrendered. Having had cleaned up the mess, he sat back down and avoided the other boy's eyes. "Alex." he whispered quietly, fifteen kinds of pain visible in his expression, and the tears began to well up. They didn't fall yet, but they made his eyes redder and puffy. He looked like a wreck. Jimmy managed to meet the other boy's blue eyes, accepting whatever bitter words the kid had for him. Honestly, he welcomed anger. He knew how stupid he had been to lose someone as perfect as Alex.

He was trembling. Litterally shaking from fear and a bittersweet happiness. "I missed you." he replied, one tear managing to fall before he could blink back the tears. In reality, he had barely moved since they'd seperated. He dropped into a strange routine. Wake up, cry, stare at the wall, shower, fall asleep crying and repeat. There were the instances when he would randomly try to kill himself, but Marie had kept a close eye on him, making sure that never happened. "I...I..." he started. He couldn't get the words out, and he gave a helpless look, struggling for the words to say.

"I was lying. I lied and I made a horrible, horrible mistake. And I've suffered for it." he answered. Now he knew. It had occurred to him, during the days spent moping, just what love really was. Love was the strongest thing in the world. It made you want to protect and comfort and spread affection. It was an emotion he no longer lacked. "I love you. I'm sorry." he murmured, his voice cracking. Jimmy looked more weak than he ever had before. He could tell what he'd done had changed Alex, and it had broken the other boy. He looked up in pain when Alex asked what he'd been doing.

Reaching across the table, he pulled up his sleeves and revealed the scarred flesh of his wrists as an answer to the question. After a moment, he pulled his wrists away. "Dying."
He heasitated briefly, afraid of being shot down. "...I know I can't possibly do anything to change how bad I hurt you, and I could leave and never come back. I can understand if you hate me, or if you've found someone less...stupid and messed up than me. I'll just...let you be." he said, biting his lip and using all his courage to look at Alex. "But you'll still be my everything."

[chewiebub5]

It was Jimmy. It was his love. So many things were racing through his bewildered mind. This was who left him; the person who loved him. He didn't know whether to be frustrated or to be thanking god that this happened. Choosing whether or not he was happy about this was tough. What if the other boy didn't care? What if he didn't give a fuck about him? Maybe it was that the universe had planned on rubbing salt on the wound. Plans fail, which was obvious to A as he saw pain on the other boy's face. He kissed the other boy on the head in the moment; his mind was weakening and his heart was becoming stronger than earlier.

A brushed the one tear that fell on the other boy's face. He could not ever not just let the other boy in. It was something that he did; Jimmy made his mind go foggy and his heart stronger. The other boy held a lot of weight on him, he cared a lot. Even if it was something that would hurt him, maybe again it would. "Don't cry." It was a bit of a hush, or possibly a bit of a coo. Once again he felt another's feelings, it had been awhile since he experienced empathy. He could never be heartless towards anyone, not completely at least. He brushed Jimmy's hair, trying to gently calm the other boy. Then again with all of the emotions that he felt; which were unleashing themselves on him once again. The feelings had pushed the blockage that tried to keep it inside.

"I missed you too." Yearning was revealed all inside of his eyes. He couldn't think of a moment when the other boy wasn't inside of his head. When he didn't feel as if he was missing something, and he was. He was not whole without Jimmy. "I can't be without you, I need you. Without you, I feel like I don't have a meaning. That something is missing, and something is: my soulmate. I want us to be together, if you want it." A was looking at the boy square in the eyes. His eyes were puffing up a bit as well, not as noticably. It was a smile on his face though; his dream had come true. Jimmy was here, and he missed him. He almost felt like repeating that to himself again and again, it made him glad that he was not forgetten.

"I love you too." A gave a smile to the other boy. "Your the only person that I will ever feel this way about." Tears of joy travelled their way down. Horror and shock flashed in his eyes, he almost jumped back. All he could manage was an embrace, to try to comfort the other boy. "Jimmy stay. Please. please stay. For me, I can not let you leave again." His eyes of an angel once again appeared showing a puppy dog look to the other boy. God, if he lost Jimmy again, he would kill himself. And adding to the plea, "I can not live without you."

A realized that he was broken of all the habits when he was with the other boy, he was healed. The other boy was all that he really needed, and without Jimmy, he was lost. Now he was found once again. "I did some things without you. I am not proud of them." He looked up into the hazel eyes of the other and showed that he was truly ashamed. It wasn't anything he was proud of in the least, well after he was not proud.

[ooc: </3 I cried during this.]

[JIMMY DANGER REGALL]

Feeling a kiss being pressed to his head, he looked up in surprised. Was the other boy forgiving him? Jimmy buried his head in Alex's neck as his tears were brushed away. Jimmy didn't mind setting himself up for pain. As masochistic as it sounded, even if Alex really had found someone better, he was contented to enjoy this brief moment and take the heartbreak later. He crawled as close as the kid would let him, tightly hugging the other boy. He thought he'd misheard at first, looking up and blinking in surprise to hear that the boy had missed him too.

He really had? His mind spun, making him kind of dizzy. Or was that just his state of health doing that now? Whatever it was, his heart mended at the simple thought that the other had actually missed him. "Alex...I think if I go another day without you, I'm capable of hanging myself." he answered. "I've cried more in the days I've been gone than I ever have in my whole life. Just ask Marie. I don't know how many times she's walked in on me attempting to end my life in the past week. I'm so, so sorry for what I said. I take it back." he said softly, a sad look in his eyes. His heart fluttered and the sadness was washed away, and he looked at the other boy in surprise. Alex still loved him? Even after all he'd done to the other boy?

"I won't leave. I promise I won't leave again. You have no idea what it did to me the first time." he assured quietly, pressed as close as he could to the other boy. "I can't live without you either." Jimmy felt relief wash through him. Before this point, he hadn't actually believed in second chances, but now he definitely knew they existed. He stood up and pulled Alex with him, taking him by the hand and dragging him out of the coffee shop, back to the flat. He felt it would be safer to have this kind of reunion somewhere intimate rather than out in public. The flat looked as horrible as he did at the moment, messy and too still for comfort. Usually, his OCD would've kicked in by now and the studio apartment would have been spotless clean, but in all his grief and despair, he had grown weary of the idea of doing anything more than laying in bed or showering.

"Sorry for the mess." he murmured, glancing at the poster covered walls. Unevenly spaced between posters were some of the things he'd drawn, family photos and other things he treasured. His bed sat near the window, next to an old radiator in the corner. The wooden floors were creaky and dark, just like the rest of his flat. Everything was gloomy, or it had been until Alex had walked in. Jimmy stole a glance at the other boy's eyes just before hugging him close. He managed to slip Alex's jacket off, tossing it on the bed, as it made it difficult to be as close as he wanted to be to the boy. "Whatever it was that you did, I don't care. I forgive you. Just as long as you stay with me."

[chewiebub5]

Jimmy had made a promise to him, just the same one that he would be careful. So far, both of these are intact. "When I first saw you, I never knew that you'd be the one. I am happy that we met, even if it hurt us." A gave a soft peck on Jimmy's cheek and gave a smile. They were meant to be; they had now began to drift together once again. What they were? Honestly it left him dumbfounded to the answer of such a question. Were they just there; or something more. He put of his curiosity, Jimmy was here. They were here, now, and they wouldn't leave each other without a good fight. He felt a little guilty that he was glad that the other boy couldn't live without him, that he would do anything to stay with him. Why was this? He just didn't comprehend this in the least.

Then he figured out what love was, or understood it. Love is something that binds you to another person, and makes you desperate to be with them. Love is more than lust, and tends to be more passionate. This thing was an affair with the heart, not of the mind. Logically love didn't exist, but emotionally it did. Now he had done something that was dumb, but necessary for his own survival and happiness. "All that matters is of now, not of the past." A smile filled with pure joy was released onto his features. "And I forgive you." A did forgive the other boy, not completely, but mostly. He still had to know what all had happened and such, for closure.

He was dragged to Jimmy's house, and he didn't care about the mess. Privacy was important and made life a lot easier. His jacket was slipped off and was inside of the other boy's embrace. "I want to tell you, that I partied. And I lost my virginity." A gave a look of sorrow and regret of the past few days. "That's my confession. Your turn." A slight frown was twitching onto his face, and shame was shown in his poor posture.

[JIMMY DANGER REGALL]

His eyes darkened and he shook his head. "No, it didn't hurt us. I hurt us. I was too much of a coward to stay and have faith in you. I didn't have faith in myself. I ruined it, and if anything, I deserved the pain I had to deal with." he murmured hatefully, angered at his own stupidity. The anger was washed away quickly though, by the kiss he recieved on the cheek. It calmed him, and he pressed his forehead against Alex's lovingly. His heart mended itself back together again, just for the smiple fact that he had the other boy in his arms again. Almost like Alex was the cure for him, the only think that could heal him. He let a few tears go, but they weren't a sign of sadness. He smiled weakly, letting the tears of joy slip down his cheek.

Knowing that he couldn't fully be forgiven, he was contented just to blindly nod at the words and patiently wait for time to fix what he'd done. If it even bothered to fix anything. He shook his head with a light laugh. "Alex, I've done way worse than that before. Don't worry about it." he answered, affectionately tousling the other boy's hair in a teasing but loving way. He kissed the other's forehead, heasitating when it was his turn to talk about what's happened while they'd been seperated. It had to have been the lowest point in his life. He hadn't hated himself more in his entire life than he had in the past few days. Pulling away, his expression changed and he shuffled around the house, looking at it's emptiness.

"Well..." he started quietly. "Not a lot happened. I mostly stayed in bed and refused to eat...or I'd cry or shower or something." Awkwardly, he ran a hand through his now short black hair, glancing at the bathroom door. "In a state of depression, at some point I think I cut off my hair. And then broke the mirror. Tried to slit my wrists with the glass, but Marie walked in while I was bleeding on the floor." Jimmy hadn't thought about it until now, but he seriously owed his friends a lot for being able to bear with him through the days that'd gone by. He glanced over at Alex, looking ashamed as well. "Guess I kind of lost my mind."

[chewiebub5]

A couldn't argue with what Jimmy said, that was true. He noticed that a kiss seemed to calm the other boy down quite a bit and make the emotion, whatever it was, bubble down. Why was this so... difficult? Still he felt like he couldn't completely trust the other boy. What if that happened again? What if he was alone? It was doubt caused by the other boy's leaving, of the seperation. It wasn't that he didn't want to trust the other boy; he just couldn't. His heart and mind still remembered the past, even if they wanted him to be with Jimmy. They just couldn't forget such things.

Alex stroked the other boy's hair as he heard about everything that Jimmy had done. "I almost killed myself trying to get you out of my mind. I couldn't bear being without you." He looked at the hazel eyed boy and looked away. "I tried to poison myself with alcohol." A look of pure sadness entered into his eyes and he gently kissed the other boy. "We both became crazy." He was crazy about the other boy, and not being with him was driving him bonkers. Right now he was happy that he didn't manage to succeed to finish himself off.

When he looked back, he didn't understand why he thought those things would help him. They wouldn't get back his love, luck did. They were meant to be, and he didn't cope well. He tried to murder himself, and Jimmy did too. They wouldn't have made it without having each other. He gently kissed Jimmy on the lips. Hunger was once again coming, now that it seemed everything was alright. That secrets were revealed about each other, even if it hurt them.

[JIMMY DANGER REGALL]

A cold feeling swept through him and his body felt almost numb. He could almost feel that the other boy didn't fully trust him. Jimmy could be oblivious sometimes, but that was easily balanced out with times of crazy perception. Deep down, the depression started to filter back in and he wasn't sure how much of the other boy's words he could trust. How was he supposed to trust someone who didn't trust him? Everything felt so foreign to him now. Alex couldn't even look at him the same anymore, and he knew it. He could just tell, even through the loving actions, the other boy was just going through the motions. Jimmy really had ruined it.

He didn't move, he didn't react to his hair being stroked, feeling numb all over as the pain in his heart began to come back. Trembling just a little bit, he looked at his feet, feeling completely responsible for everything. If he hadn't left, Alex wouldn't have tried to kill himself. He couldn't move or react to being kissed, still feeling as empty as before. His heart wasn't right with it. It didn't feel right knowing that the one person he loved and cared about didn't even trust him. He was starting to wonder if he could even trust himself. He wanted to curl up in the corner again and cry again like he had before. He wanted to curl up in the corner and die.

Jimmy shivered and pulled away, backing into the corner, sliding down to the floor with tears in his eyes. "You lied. You can't forgive me. Not for what I've done to you. I can tell. You can't even look at me the same." he croaked, hugging his knees to his chest and burying his head. "I'm a horrible person. I don't even deserve forgiveness. How are you supposed to trust me if I don't even trust myself?" he cried, surprised at how easy it was to make him break down like this. He really was broken. Alex hadn't been the only one changed by their seperation. Jimmy couldn't seem to get ahold of himself.

[chewiebub5]

A looked at the other boy he didn't know what to say. "Jimmy just listen to me. I forgive you, but I still have scars. Scars that time will heal. I just still have them, they'll fade with time." He gave a look of hopelessness, he didn't have a choice over their past. It was his memory, only if he could just forget. But he couldn't. "I know that I will completely some day. Just not now." A bit of a plea, saying, 'you promised' was in his eyes. Jimmy said that he would be careful and wouldn't leave. He was banking on those two things. He embraced the other boy and let his head hand on his own shoulder. So Jimmy could just cry in peace. Without having to stop to crane his head.

A wasn't going to let go of the other boy and let him cry alone. Not unless he was explicitly told to do so by his partner. "Cry, let it all out." He didn't know what he could do, other than just be here. Where he
belonged to be; with his lover. He remembered the past, it was the other way around. Jimmy had been broken, just like he was. It was now obvious to him, and gave him some security. "Did you really...?" Shock sweeped over his face and realized the impact of the whole situation. His other half had tried to kill himself. "I-I just realized... what this all means. You tried to kill yourself... oh my god."

A was floored. He just didn't realize what the other boy really had said. It was real, not just a few words. He then found some trust at that moment, Jimmy was telling the truth. He couldn't believe that had really happened, not just the concept of this happening. "We need each other. Or both of us will be depressed...and we'll both be dead or wishing that we were." Clouds were in his eyes, and he couldn't see anything from the tears that were falling.

"I love you." Alex grabbed onto the other boy, as if he was his own teddy bear. He needed to hug someone right now, and this was something that Jimmy needed too. Or at least it seemed like he needed a hug as well.